It Was Love, Not Lust
by CrowsGurl
Summary: They both knew it but neither had a clue as to what to do. 2D wanted it but Murdoc couldn't let him as he'd only- Muds/D three-shot COMPLETE
1. Why?

**Just a three-shot i've had on dA for a while. i keep forgetting to upload things on here IP anyways, here yall go**

**Enjoy~**

"Mu'doc, I-" He began, tears of frustration and rejection welling up in his eyes.

"No."

"But Muds, I only meant to-"

"I said _no_."

"Pwease, Muds, I-"

"I SAID FUCKIN' NO!" Murdoc roared, glaring deeply into the trembling singer's eyes. Tears ran down his pale cheeks, glimmering slightly in the dim light of the Winnie.

"B-" He was cut off by a sharp punch across the face. His trembling hands flew up to his cheek, fractured dents stretched wide as he stared up at Murdoc in fear.

"GIT OUT, TUSSPOT!"

The lanky man shrank back, stumbling towards the door as the tears began to fall faster. He just couldn't believe.. he'd really thought.. all those times they'd..

The door slammed shut behind him, knocking 2D off of the steps and chin first onto the cold carpark cement. He groaned, rubbing his skinned and bleeding jaw. He didn't feel it, however; he was far too numb by the already gaping wound in his heart.

Sobs racked his thin body as he forced himself to sit up, glaring regretfully at the closed bago door. His elbows stung dully as they, too, had been scraped from the fall.

In a shrill, sobbing voice dripping with regret, 2D screamed loud enough that he was positive Murdoc could clearly understand him, "I LOVE YEW MU'DOC! AH ALWAYS 'AVE 'N AH ALWAYS WILL, SO IGNO'E EET IF YEW WONT, S'NOT GONNA CHANGE A DAMN FING!"

He collapsed, feeling as though the wind had been punched out of him as he gasped desperately through his sobs. 2D could hear yelling and cursing from inside the Winnebago, accompanied by a number of things smashing and thudding. After a moment he bago door slammed open hard enough to nearly get knocked clean off the hinges.

"YEW WONT TA BLOODY FUCKIN LOVE ME 'EN I DUN GIVE A DAMN! JUST KEEP YOU' FAGGOT 'ANDS OFFA ME O' SO 'ELP ME AH'LL-"

"YEW'LL WOT? 'IT ME? IT DUN WO'K MU'DOC! YEW BLOODY KNOW 'AT! GO A'EAD, 'EN! 'IT ME ALL YEW LIKE BUT AH'LL NEVA STOP! AH CAN'T!" Tears blinded the singer so all he was aware of was a dark figure standing in the door of the Winnie, nothing more then a sillhouete against the light.

"I'S FO' YOU' OWN DAMN GOOD!" With that Murdoc slammed the door shut, his last rage-filled words echoed through the carpark.

Stu drew his knees to his heaving chest, hiding his face in them as he cried his heart out. For his own good? Bullshit. Murdoc loved him, he knew it, but there wasn't a damn thing he could do that would convince the bassist to show it.

Murdoc had a way of hiding behind hate and abuse. He always said he didn't love him, rather it was his untamable lust that drove him to his singer for sex. 2D knew it wasn't true. He could tell by the way Murdoc kissed him; caressing his hair and sometimes gently holding his face. It was in the way he'd look at 2D after a long night, his eyes practically glowing. Stu had considered it to just be from sex, but he knew better.

Paula. She'd only wanted him for the sex. He didn't know it at the time, but thanks to her he'd learned to distinguish love from lust. She wasn't a lustful person; rather the epitome of lust itself. She was never tender with him, whether it be in the way she looked at him or the way she acted in bed. Cracker was purely lust. But Murdoc...

He was different.

And yet, even with this realization, 2D was still left clueless, sitting in the carpark; hugging his scratched knees for comfort and wishing he'd never whispered those damn words in the first place.

_"I love yew, Muds."_


	2. Because

**A rewrite of part one only through Murdoc's eyes. all will be revealed lol**

**Enjoy~**

Murdoc stared down at the thinner man, his eyes narrowing into a glare. "Wot did yew just say?" He hissed.

2D gave him an odd look, as though not understanding his reaction. "Jus' 'at I love yew, Muds." A smile crossed the younger's face as he leaned in for a kiss, confused further when Murdoc released his warm grip on the singer and stepped back.

The bassist glared at him, baring his fangs slightly. "Yew _wot?_" He growled.

"Ah.. love yew?" Stu's smile faded to a nervous frown as he searched Murdoc's eyes.

Murdoc's glare only harshened. "No." He replied in a low, flat growl, not lessening his intense glare as tears started forming in 2D's large, black holes. A sickening feeling came over Murdoc as he stared into those dark eyes. Eye's he'd fractured. Eyes that'd caused the younger unbareable pain because of him.

"Mu'doc, I-" He began, tears of frustration and rejection welling up in his eyes.

"No." The tears only served to remind him of all the times he'd beaten the man until he was crying too hard to breath, then he'd stop and, in an attempt to lessen his guilt, comfort him.

"But Muds, I only meant to-"

"I said _no._" That pitiful voice; it was always the same stupidly high pitch, whether the singer was singing, screaming or pleading.

"Pwease, Muds, I-" The way his body started to tremble when he cried brought back memories of when he'd nearly beaten the younger to death; he just layed there in a shaky bloody mess on the bago floor, afraid to move.

"I SAID FUCKIN' NO!" Murdoc roared, glaring deeply into the trembling singer's eyes. Tears ran down his pale cheeks, glimmering slightly in the dim light of the Winnie. Those incredibly pale cheeks; so easily bruised. It was almost as though he was being taunted when the singer would trot about with dark fist marks clearly displayed on them.

"B-" He was cut off by a sharp punch across the face. Murdoc couldn't take the way the singer was so effortlessly making him feel sickeningly guilty. 2D's trembling hands flew up to his cheek, fractured dents stretched wide as he stared up at Murdoc in fear.

"GIT OUT, TUSSPOT!" Murdoc knew if he didn't convince the whip-thin man to leave soon, he'd loose his temper completely and end up beating the living shit out of him. He watched scornfully as the singer stumbled out of the bago, kicking the door shut behind him and knocking him flat on his face. There were a few seconds of choking silence before he heard the other again.

"I LOVE YOU MU'DOC! AH ALWAYS 'AVE 'N AH ALWAYS WILL, SO IGNO'E EET IF YEW WONT, S'NOT GONNA CHANGE A DAMN FING!" The crying singer yelled, followed by a scratchy sob. Murdoc's anger bubbled up in his stomach as he stormed over to the door, throwing various things out of his path as he smashed it open.

"YEW WONT TA BLOODY FUCKIN LOVE ME 'EN I DUN GIVE A DAMN! JUST KEEP YOU' FAGGOT 'ANDS OFFA ME O' SO 'ELP ME AH'LL-" He roared in return, fighting back a few tears of his own as he stared down at his broken looking singer.

"YEW'LL WOT? 'IT ME? IT DUN WO'K MU'DOC! YEW BLOODY KNOW 'AT! GO A'EAD, 'EN! 'IT ME ALL YEW LIKE BUT AH'LL NEVA STOP! AH CAN'T!" 2D retorted through his sobs, tears running quickly down his face. Murdoc nearly choked up at the sight.

"I'S FO' YOU' OWN DAMN GOOD!" He shouted, slamming the Winnie door closed and leaning against it with an enraged yet desperate expression. 2D really didn't understand, did he? That this was all for the better? Murdoc slid down the door, letting out a groan of frustration.

He hated being away from his singer- _hated_ it, but he couldn't think of a single time he'd been around the younger man without causing him harm mentally or physically. It made his ill to think that even after all this abuse 2D could still look at him fondly; _lovingly_ seemed almost unreal.

Just a glance at the smiling man would show how little self-control Murdoc had around him. Two eight-ball fractured eyes, resulted from two seperate car accidents where Murdoc was driving. His front teeth were missing, which was from Murdoc loosing his temper and punching him repeatedly in the face. Those deep bruises that forever surrounded his twin pits, proof that even now Murdoc couldn't control himself.

His stomach twisted into a tight knot and his heart lept into his throat as he listened to the singer's heart-broken sobs through the bago door. Even now, when he was attempting to finally break the bond so Stu would keep away from him and his abusive ways, he'd proven to hurt him. Only this time... it was worse. Far worse then anything else he'd done to him.

Murdoc loved him. It was simple and he was sure the younger knew. Of coure he'd never say it. He was sure 2D thought it had something to do with his pride or preserving his self-image, but it didn't. No, not even close.

He had a hard enough time keeping a distance between them in the past and Murdoc knew if he let it slip that he loved him then he'd never be able to get the singer to leave. And, as stated earlier, the more often 2D was around him, the worse he was beaten. Murdoc's guilt continued to grow and, in an attempt to contain it, he drew his knees up to his chest.

Then, Murdoc Niccals did something that he almost never did. He cried. He hugged his knees tightly, trying to ignore the overwhelming guilt and sense that he'd betrayed 2D rather then helped him as he allowed a small number of tears to slip silently down his cheeks and loose themselves in his denim clad legs.

It was then that he realized it; no matter what he did to his singer, physically or verbally, he wasn't going to ever be able to chase him off for good. The bond was already far too strong for that. Deep down he still knew that the closer they were the more Stu would get hurt.

So, even with this realization, Murdoc was still left clueless, sitting in the Winnie; hugging his tear-soaked knees for comfort and wishing 2D had never whispered those damn words in the first place.

_"I love yew, Muds."_


	3. End

Another beer; another mind-dulling buzz.

Another smoke; another lung-killing dose of nicotine.

Another sigh; another sneeking tear.

Murdoc couldn't take this. Life without his singer just seemed so terribly depressing and wrong. He wanted desperately to go down to the basement and apologize- but he dare not. Since the incident about two weeks ago 2D had managed to get by with only a few clumsy bruises and marks instead of the usual abusive ones.

This was the only high-light in the bassist's life. Stu seemed just as broken as he did, but if he knew anything he knew the singer had a way of bouncing back to his usual bright and happy disposition. Murdoc, on the other hand, wasn't quite sure what would become of him.

He'd tried convincing himself that this whole thing was just a phase, perhaps a mid-life crisis or something. He wasn't _really_ that in love with another man that he couldn't get over it.. was he? Murdoc groaned, cigarette smoke drifting from his mouth as he leaned against the Winnie door. The carpark seemed empty, cold and lifeless. Just like he did.

The man perked up slightly as the door a few yards of way creaked open and revealed a certain bluenette. Wide black eyes shot up to him, returning his gaze. Though Murdoc had mixed feelings about seeing the younger, 2D seemed only pleading and upset. He wasn't sure how things had been going with Muds, but lately his life had been empty and sad. He hadn't even gotten a decent nights sleep in the near two week period.

They stood there in a slightly awkward silence, neither moving other then Murdoc taking a drag on his fag and 2D taping his finger anxiously. A few involuntary tears welled up in the vocalist's eyes as he resisted the urge to runover to the older and hug him tightly like he used to. Murdoc seemed just as upset by the lack of contact, though he knew it was for the best.

2D, taking very slow steps, came a bti closer to him. "'e-ey, Muds.." His voice was hoarse and his cheeks wet. He'd been crying again.

"Stu." Murdoc replied, not feeling up to the usual name-calling.

The singer kept his hands close to his chest, his fingertips tapping against each other nervously. In all honesty he was expecting the bassist to ignore him.

"'ow.. 'ave fings been?" 2D asked quietly, coming a few uncertain steps closer.

Murdoc lowered his head, resting his forehead in his hand and sighed. "Terrible.. yew?"

He frowned even more-so then he already had been, replying, "yeh.. same he'e... ah've missed ya, Muds.." The dented man hoped that he might be able to get at least one hug before he was forced to leave again.

The older man rested his chin in his palm and studied the younger. "S'not going to wo'k, Stu. I's fo' tha best.."

"Tha best?" His eyes narrowed slightly as his stomach cringed at the thought. "Mu'doc.. look 't us.. yew'e goin ta dwink you'self ta deaf 'n ah 'aven' been able ta stop cwyin since.. since.." He trailed off, his throat choking up as he attempted not to cry in front of Murdoc.

Murdoc took another deep drag, his gaze now more of a glare. "'ave yew not wrealzed why ah did 'is yet?" He was now standing on the Bago steps, eye-level with the teary-eyed man.

"No, no ah 'aven! Ah 'aven' been able ta fink of a single good wreason yew of all people would put you'self frough 'is!" 2D's voice was a low shout as he wiped at his eyes.

"Eet 'as nuthin ta do wif me, yew dumbarse! Look at you'self! Yew dun 'ave a scratch on yew!" Murdoc made a sharp motion at the younger's unharmed body as though to prove his point. Stu's eyes trailed down to himself then back up to Murdoc, a few of the tears trailing down his cheeks.

"..yew.. 'at's why..? b-but.." He was at a loss for words. 2D, even after the long two weeks he spent playing hundreds of senarios over and over in his head, not one of them actually had to do with anything close to this. He had truly thought Murdoc had done it for his own reputation or something equally as selfish, but this..

Murdoc nodded, turning to go inside. Now that the dullard knew he was more likely to leave him alone- right? That question was answered as his hand was taken in a softer, large one. The bassist closed his eyes, not turning around. The simple contact made his heart swell and his body to tingle slightly. "Wot, Pot?" He questioned without moving.

"Muds.. pwease look 't me."

With a forced glare he turned back to the younger man. Tears now ran down his pale cheeks, his large black eyes gazing into Murdoc's pleadingly. "Well?" The demonic bassist hissed, dropping his cigarette and squashing it beneath one of his cuban heeled boots.

2D whimpered, and, in a quick motion, pulled Murdoc into a tight embrace. He had his long, thin arms wrapped around him tightly, vaguely wondering it this would result in death. Murdoc stood there for a moment before hesitantly returning the embrace.

Their hearts were pounding and their faces hidden behind hair as they just stood there; enjoying the warmth neither had felt in far too long. 2D let out a quiet sob, burying his face in Murdoc's neck. He hadn't expected the other to return the embrace and it came as a huge relief.

"Please, Stu.. Dun' do 'is to you'self.." Murdoc pleaded softly, nuzzling the azure hair.

"Yew need 'is jus' as much as ah do," he whispered in reply, hugging him even tighter as though to prove his point.

The singer lifted his head back up, gently caressing Murdoc's cheek with his thumb as he gazed into the mismatched eyes. "Listen, mate.." He muttered, returning the soft look. 2D, not sure he wanted to hear what Murdoc had to say, leaned in and gently kissed him.

Murdoc pulled the thin body closer for a few seconds then withdrew, looking back into 2D's dark eyes a bit more seriously. "Listen to me, faceache."

"Awright.. wot?" 2D's tears had stopped for the most part, now only slipping past his cheeks every once in a while.

He sighed, taking a moment before saying, "mate.. yew know if yew stay yew'e goin ta get 'urt.."

"Yeh.. ah knew 'at fwom tha beginin.. but 'm ok wif eet." The singer rested his forehead against Murdoc's, offering a small, kind smile. The older man ruffled his hair lightly and let his eyes drift closed thoughtfully.

"Oh, 'n Stu?"

"Wot, Muds?"

"Ah.. ah love yew."

**And theres the happy ending~ a lot of my stories lack those by my dA mates would of killed me. feedback is much loved~**


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